The Heart of a Warrior

Graphic created by Sammy DaGrossa

The heart is the strongest muscle in our bodies. We all know that. It is what keeps us alive. It is what drives us, what pumps blood through our veins, what keeps us alive.

I was in Vegas at the Olympia this year, something I had my heart set on for a few months. The will of a heart makes so many things possible. I wanted to see my friends from my new found family at the Super Gym compete and cheer them on – Evan Centopani, Jillian Reville and Jamie Pinder.

On the night of the Meet the Olympians, I made my way through the several athlete booths to find the familiar faces and make sure I snapped some photos. Jillian Reville was at the very end of the right wing of the concierge area where they had the booths set up all over. She was sitting quietly at a table next to Phil Heath, whose line you couldn't see the end to.

Jillian and husband Donny after prejudging at the
Dallas Europa, where Jillian earned her O qualification.

Jillian and I met eyes, and as usual, she waved and jumped to hug me. If there is any one woman I know that always seems happy or positive regardless of the circumstances, her name is Jillian Reville. Her surprised eyes, her smile, the energy and joy she felt was transferred immediately in the air. It was like a festive bubble she brought me into, where I was invited to celebrate with her one of her proudest moments: getting on the Olympia stage.

Jillian and I had exchanged our hellos and in the most nonchalant of tones, she tells me her vision on her left eye is blurry...almost completely gone. She tells me she just woke up and she couldn't see very well. She smiled the entire time while I stood there in shock, mouth wide open, looking over at her supportive husband Donny nodding in agreement.

Massive amounts of swag.

Jillian had trained her heart and soul into this Olympia prep like nothing I have ever seen from her. Despite her inability to see from one eye, she managed to get up on that Olympia stage, rock her routine like no one’s business, and place and admirable 6^th place at the very first Women’s Physique Olympia. What an amazing story and honor! It is, actually, but the fact is, that’s not where the warrior in her even shows up or where the story ends.

The Olympia came and went. The jet-lag had worn out of most of us on the East Coast, and we have gone to our typical daily routines.

One Friday afternoon, October 4^th, to be exact, I received a phone call from Jillian on my way to picking up my daughter from school. Her voice…there was something about her voice that I already didn’t like. She sounded …different. But still, her cheerfulness managed to break through that worrisome feeling I felt coming from her.

That’s when she disclosed to me what was actually going on with her and the reason for her almost gone vision during the Olympia weekend.

Group shot! 

Jillian had suffered a mini-stroke, something she didn’t find out about until she returned home and went to the hospital. After tests were done, it was also revealed that she has a hole in her heart. Still I hear the very positive and cheerful voice on the other end of the line while I am shaking and holding myself from bursting into tears. I did. I broke down. I am now as I write this.

The congenital condition Jillian was born with is a birth defect called called Patent Foreman Ovale (PFO). One out of five people are born with this condition, and normally, the hole closes on its own. On Jillian, it didn’t, causing her stroke. She is due to have open heart surgery in the next coming weeks to repair and close up the hole in her heart.

If you think about how strong someone’s will, determination and drive has to be in order to overcome obstacles and do something that they are passionate about, and how the mind and the heart are connected into achieving those goals, there isn’t a better example than this.

A warrior: a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness.

Heart of a Warrior: Jillian Reville.

Even in her wedding dress she strikes the famous Jillian pose

Jillian at her wedding reception this past weekend.
From right to left: Sandra and Fakhri Mubarak, and Jillian. Sitting down Kenny Wallach,
Jerry and Darin Montanari and me.

To hear Jillian's interview on Jason Adams' radio show you can go here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/promotingrealwomen/2013/10/18/promoting-real-women-radio

The Fit Mom Controversy: My Thoughts

The controversy the fit mother of 3 who decided to post a photo of herself with her 3 very young children with the header: "What's Your Excuse?" has been quite interesting. Ouch? Or reality check?
Although her intentions were purely motivational and inspirational, I have mixed feelings about the way she chose to get her message across.

Besides the desire to want to lose weight and get in shape, there are a few factors most people don't take into account when discussing a mother's will to get fit - her socioeconomic status, and her marital status.

I could have easily put myself in that photo and said the same thing she said, except I know better. First of all, we should all be a bit more mindful and conscious of the experiences and backgrounds of others before making such harsh judgement calls. Not everyone has access to a gym nor the funds to afford monthly memberships.

I only tend to share my personal experiences when I find them useful and to get a point across. So here's a little story: My start in fitness was a rough one. I wanted to join a gym so badly but I was a young mother, with limited amount of funds (my less shameful way of saying I was broke as hell), and no vehicle to get to and from the only gym location that offered child care.
Getting on a bus would have been a nightmare considering I had 2 toddlers, would have needed a stroller to bring with me...not to mention bags, etc. I remember asking friends for rides to the gym because my determination was that strong but the means were not there for me to achieve my fitness goals. Going to the gym was a hassle most often than not.

Sure those power walks while pushing your stroller or doing pull-ups at the park on the monkey bars are an option but, is that something everyone feels comfortable doing? Interestingly enough, I see those moves coming from people whose fitness levels are higher and who feel more confident about it going out there in "public and broad daylight" to work out. They have no issues busting out a move or 2 in the park to show off.
Unfortunately, that's not the case with most women who want to get fit. In my personal opinion and experience even going onto the gym floor packed with men lifting weights can be intimidating, hence the creation of women areas or isolated rooms within a gym facility.
In most cases, it works better to have someone guide your first workouts. I also believe it's important for women, especially new moms, to get out of their "motherly or homely" environments and out into the public and the world! (post-partum depression anyone?)

In any case, it wasn't until my family was in a stable home, with our first vehicle, that I was able to make it to and from the gym. That was one obstacle moved out of the way that allowed me to, at the very least, get started in fitness.
Yet there was still tons of shifting my schedule around in order to fit in even the quickest of workouts. I had a home to upkeep, dinners to make, cleaning and laundry to do. I was also finishing my undergraduate studies, and later moved on to grad school, a job, and ...competing. I could have easily made a "motivational" poster of myself with my kids on one side, books on one hand, spatula and vacuum cleaner on the other, while in my office at the college I worked at. But I haven't. And I wouldn't. (Even though I sorta kindda just did lol). My point is, if I wanted to help or motivate other women, they don't usually find out what I do, have done, or how I lived unless I convey the message in a way  that helps them identify themselves in me or my story.

If I ever think of saying something that throws it in another person's face what I've overcome or accomplished, ESPECIALLY to another woman, with  the notion that "If I can do it, so can you", I put my foot in my mouth and take a step back and think of 2 things: 1. What else is going on with her that's preventing from getting fit (mental or physical illness, emotional distress, income, etc?) and 2. Let me shut up because I KNOW I've been afforded a privilege that some people may not have had - and that is a partner that helped me, something most single mothers don't have.

 Ms. Kang doesn't go into details about the fact that she has a spouse at home, and yes, she owns 2 businesses, but what does her daily schedule look like?
Again, speaking from experience, if you are working for yourself, you HAVE the ability to say...you know what, I am taking an hour, or 2 or hell...3 if I want to, to go work out. Even better if your business is off the grounds and you rely on employees for things to run smoothly on a daily basis.  You probably have more freedom than most working mothers, let alone the income to support your hobby and love for fitness. Oh and let's not forget that Maria Kang also has the privilege or rather luxury of a non-working, stay at home spouse that supports her.

My partner back then worked full time yet if it wasn't for his ability to help while I was on my quest for a fitter and better body, it would have never been possible. Maria has the luxury of having someone around 24/7 with her very young children and lucky for this family, that person is their father, something most single mothers don't have.

So tell me, Maria, how many single mothers can say you've inspired with your photo?

Let's also throw in finances. Gym memberships are expensive and if you are a single mother who is financially strapped, chances are, a gym membership is the least of your concerns.
I enjoyed the privilege of being employed, but also had a double income household and this helps tremendously! Again, if you are a single mother...tell me, Maria, how would this work?

The general statement was probably well meaning but clearly poorly executed without too much thought or meaning and, mind me for saying this, even a sense of self-righteousness that no motivational purpose to any woman or mother.

There are many other ways a woman can convey her knowledge and love for fitness to other women without making them feel ashamed or horrible about it their inability to do what you, or even myself, have been capable of doing. We don't know Maria's story. I don't know Maria's story. She did tell us about her battles with weight and an eating disorder and how she was still able to get fit. We get it. I get you girl. But that's nor here or there. We all have stories. However, it is how we choose to tell those stories and what we do with them that matters in the present time. Don't let your arrogance overshadow your process or experiences. And let your story speak for itself!!!

Also, education is a big piece in our communities - educating folks on arranging finances so that it is possible to achieve their bigger goals, teaching others about what foods to eat and which to avoid, showing ways in which they can arrange their schedule, etc. Educate rather than ridicule!

There are plenty of us who are fit mothers and sport our 6 packs with pride. There are some women who have amazing transformation stories.  But they live their lives humbly while educating and helping others get fit just like they did. Maria Kang you ain't the first nor will be the last. You have an amazing thing right now, and that is the attention to the public. Use it wisely.

Link for reference:
http://ohmygoff.tv/theblog/fat-shaming-or-thinspiration-on-social-media/

How Can I Become a Makeup Artist?

Recently my business as a competition makeup artist has gone from getting a few clients to being completely booked and creating wait lists. A blessing in disguise really.
I do get the occasional request from someone letting me know that they are interested in doing makeup like me and for me to teach them how. Here's the thing though. I can teach you how to apply makeup, but there is more to it than that.
I take my makeup business very serious. The money is good, sure, but I do invest the money back along with my time, effort and energy into what I do. I am meticulous when it comes to planning and marketing my business. I don't just slap bright blue eyeshadow and wish you luck on stage. I offer a lot more than that. If you are seriously considering diving into the makeup business, then I'm happy to share some of the things I've done that have helped me along the way.

Backstage at the NPC CT State Championships
Makeup client: Laura Callan.
Image by Bill Mack

First of all, I didn't go to school for cosmetology or anything of that sort. In fact, I have a Bachelor's and a Masters degree under my belt. But I love makeup. My mother has, and will always be my inspiration for so many things -- education and makeup are 2 of them. I remember that Revlon lipstick that she would always wear- a burgundy-red. She would use it on her lips, and dab it on her cheeks as a cream blush. My mother is a beautiful woman and that simple step made her feel and looks so much more beautiful! There is something else about my mother: She was a rebel...a woman who accomplished many things in a man's world.
She successfully attended and completed Medical School and became a doctor at a time when women were supposed to spend more time in the kitchen making dinner. My view and relation to makeup comes from a very empowering perspective. I also witnessed how good, happy and confident it made my mother feel.  That's exactly how I want to make the women I work with feel.
So here are some things to consider if you want to embark in the world of makeup artistry.

The first thing you'd need to figure out is why do you want to do makeup? I tell you, selfish needs come across very quickly when you relate to others. If you are trying to make a quick buck by doing makeup, your clients will be able to tell right away. Define why or how you want to go about this and be clear and honest with yourself...and your clients.

Makeup Client: IFBB Pro Cynthia Colon
2013 New York Pro
Image by Jeff Binns for Rxmuscle

Get some experience and training. Even though I had no formal education in makeup, I did get the best training and experience from working at a MAC counter. When I took a break from my regular job as an Assistant Residence Director at a college, I knew I wanted to still do something part time. After nagging and constantly visiting my local MAC counter, the employees and manager took note of  how serious I was. I had already been practicing on my own, learning about different techniques, formulas, etc. Not only that, but I tried just about every makeup brand imaginable. Yes, I went through a shopaholic phase. It was serious. I had tried everything from Chanel, to Dior down to Wet 'n Wild and Maybelline. That gave me a well-rounded knowledge of various products and brands. I know what to spend money on, and I know what to save on. And I tell my clients the same. I am not suggesting you go ahead and break bank buying a crapload of products that will sit in your bathroom cabinet unused like I did. But I am suggesting that at least you read about products, brands, skincare, etc. by going on forums or makeup boards and even reading magazines. 
My training and experience at MAC has been detrimental to my work as a makeup artist. I didn't just wake up one day and start putting makeup on people. I was trained and started educating myself about it for a number of years...almost as long as I've been a figure competitor (10 years) but working at MAC was definitely the cherry on top.

Makeup client: Erin Duggan
2013 Powerhouse Classic
Image by Bill Mack

The third thing goes along with the above point. I value the faces I work on because I value my face too. As a makeup artist I always say: If I don't use it, or test it, I don't use it on my clients. That simple. Test products out. See how they work on you. The last thing you want to do is use a product on a client that you've never used, or at least tried. It might turn into a hot mess the day of the show!

I love the women I work with!
With Kate at the 2013 Atlantic States

If you are outside the fitness and bodybuilding industry and have never stepped on stage before, chances are, you will not fair that well as a makeup artist in it. There is a uniqueness to what we do. It helps to know or be a competitor yourself. The stage lights, the prep necessary to compete, the rules within the NPC/IFBB (or whichever federation you choose), the promoters, how they go about business, the competition schedule for that day...you need to learn all of this! You can't just come out of nowhere and go into a show and do makeup. Doesn't work like that. Trust me. I've made my mistakes...even with the most sincerest of intentions by wanting to help out other women, there are several steps to be considered and you need to learn them and go by the rules. Being a competitor and having had that experience has helped me tremendously.

What I did on a typical day working at a MAC counter is only about 20% in comparison to what I do with clients that compete. Make yourself available. Again, learn the schedule for the day of the show. Find out about the venue also. Unlike working at a counter or doing a friend's makeup real quick, this is not a 30-40 minute thing and then your day is done. Depending on what you offer your clients, be prepared to be there longer than anticipated or... all day. The more accessible you are, the more likely a client is going to book with you again. Don't do their makeup then disappear into thin air.

Smiling with Alesha backstage at the Hartford Europa

Invest into your own services. This goes with all the points above. When booking clients for competitions, you need to make sure you have a hotel, or have access to a space that is comfortable for both you and the client. Don't leave yourself or your clients up in the air wondering where you will be. You need to communicate this with them otherwise, you are making their day more difficult when you should be making it easier.

Learn to do your best work in the shortest amount of time. When I first got started working under someone else who did competition makeup, I was told I was taking too long. And she was right. I was. It would take me like 45-50 minutes to do a full face. I blame my nerves and lack of experience for this. With time and experience, I find myself finishing a complete look in less than 30 minutes! This ensures that I'm not running too far behind and that my clients look perfect. But remember, I also make myself available throughout the show. I don't disappear so if I am needed for more touch-ups or fixes, I am right there! Practice, practice, practice. The thing that will take most of your time is the eyes!!! When you are crunched for time, get that done first! Get those lashes on!!!

Applying makeup backstage at the NPC CT States
Makeup client: Allie Sodins
Image by Bill Mack

One of the subjects I cover and stress the most during my workshops is hygiene. Be hygienic. If you are a makeup artist and you are not cleaning your brushes between clients, or sanitizing your lipsticks, liners, etc, then I don't want to even talk to you. That's disgusting. You should have enough brushes that in case you are going back to back, you can replace them. Have brush cleanser handy. This doesn't soak brushes and because the formulas typically have some alcohol in them, the brushes dry quick. Keep rubbing alcohol handy to spray on lipsticks between usage. Sharpen your lip liners between applications. Keep hand and face wipes close by to clean your hands and to use on clients. These things are important and it makes your makeup client feel safe! It shows that you care!

At one of my workshops using my
good friend Cherie as my model. 

Be prepared to do free work. Yup. You read that correctly. When I first got started and wanted my name to get out more, I offered free makeup to both amateur and pro competitors I knew on a personal basis. It helped a lot because word of mouth is your most powerful marketing tool (and facebook!!!). When you invest in your business, part of your investment plan and cost should include a few free clients. You are not only doing it for them, but also for yourself and your business to build a [good] reputation. To this day I still offer what I consider "sponsorships" to local, national and pro competitors. Even if I am established, I still want to spread the love and offer services to someone who might be in a financial crunch. I highly recommend doing this.

Last but not least, be personable and friendly! The competitive fitness industry is small. It's like living in a small town where all your dirty laundry gets aired and spread fast. People talk. Women talk. Men talk. Some will love your work, others will find it mediocre and there will be those who will hate it. That's fine. You can't please everyone. But being personable is not something people will ever forget. People are more likely to book you again and give you a second chance even if your makeup was just okay but you can forget it if you act like a complete a-hole. Be nice to people. My thing is...all the women I've met have a story to tell, just like I have mine. I connect with them on a personal level and treat them all like a friend or sister. This goes back to the very first point I made. It makes me feel happy that I have empowered and made another woman feel great. Don't open yourself up to do makeup or have a business if you don't care about your clients or are going to complain or talk shit about them. It's not professional or cool at all. Be kind and treat them with respect!

Friends for life! Cupcakes and all! 

If they are happy, I'm happier!
Sandra and Katie backstage at the
2013 Powerhouse Classic