I have another story.
This past weekend the NPC Nationals took place. I had been feeling pretty moody (thanks to PMS) and by Saturday mid-afternoon I was exhausted! But then came the time for me to relax after a long day doing photo uploading for Flex magazine. I love Atlanta but more so, I love Nationals in Atlanta.
This show is always very nostalgic for me since it was my fist time attending a national show back in 05. I met many great people that, to this day, have remained in my life.
I also got the opportunity to connect with old friends who I hadn't seen in a couple of years that, even though we were close at one point or another, the circumstances going on in my life didn't allow me to connect with them like I used to. I was happy, I thought. Me and my off-season booty, who appeared to have its own identity, were enjoying every moment of the evening. I love being around people and I just love loving every single one of them. It was good ....but then something happened. I was walking about and I heard some news that enraged me.
With age and experience we, as women, get to know our bodies better and better. I also think bodybuilding gives us the gift of being even more sensitive to the mind-body connection. I personally know my body very well and pay attention to it.
I felt my body get warm inside and a dark cloud coming over me and I couldn't even concentrate or finish my work. Everyone around me at the bar suddenly became small tiny dots and I couldn't see them. I grabbed my laptop and, in a semi-tipsy state, and walked back to my hotel room.
It's rare that I allow this emotion to take over me so this was something serious.
I sat there alone, in silence. I began plotting. I thought to myself that I would find whatever means possible to stop what was about to happen.
I called a friend of mine to vent but it was so late that when she answered my call she was groggy and half asleep. Siighhh. No one to vent to. That's when I realized that I had to deal with this feeling alone.
The first thing I did was stop myself from thinking negatively and attempting to embark on the dangerous path of seeking revenge. You see, the mind is stronger than we ever imagined and I am a true believer of energy, balance, karma and the universe.
The universe always balances itself out, a friend who practices witchcraft tells me quite often. Remembering those words made feel scared. I feared that this feeling would return to me and my new life and bring me back to that dark place that took me so long to get out of.
I then got into a comfortable position I took several deep breathes. I closed my eyes and tuned everything out. Some people call this meditation and have a picture of someone sitting down in some yoga position. Not for me. My comfortable position is laying in my bed under blankets, as many blankets as possible. And pillows. I like pillows.
As I take deep breathes in and exhale out, I begin calling my soul back into my body. I believe that when this rage comes over us, a different element enters our physical being. It's almost like an internal fight of good versus evil. I call the good until I no longer feel rage or anger.
What I do next is optional. Some times I feel like I need to while other times I don't. This time the rage was so enormous that I just had to do it. What did I do? I prayed. I prayed for that person - for him to find his path in life and for the higher powers to do what needed to be done in order for good to enter his soul and the evil leave.
I realized while in my own thoughts that it is never up to me to decide someone else's fate. It is also not my place to seek revenge or wish for anyone to be in a bad place because when I did, it continuously came right back to me. I no longer wish for those things and when I do, I find myself going through the steps mentioned above.
Last but not least I create the illusion of a protective positive energy bubble. That's the kind of energy you want to surround yourself with and give of. I also think of myself as a giant walking diamond. People go uhhh-ahhhh over diamonds, the way they shine, their look, their sparkles. They are indeed mesmerizing, even if you are not a diamond fan. Same logic here. You want to be that diamond.
Why did I choose to write this? Even though this is very personal and something I do behind close doors, I am finding a lot of negativity and bad things happening to people around me. The feeling I had that Saturday was so intense that after I came back into my element I kept going over in my mind the things and steps that I am constantly doing to be and remain being a better person.
I really do hope this was helpful in some way and if you have any steps to share about how you get yourself back into a good place, I'd love to read it!